Teaching Responsibility

Through blurry eyes, I peered groggily at the clock on the bedside table to find that it said it was 3:00. After forcing my foggy brain to think for a minute, I realize it must be afternoon since the bedroom isn’t dark. As I dragged myself out of bed and made my way to the kitchen, I tried desperately to keep my stomach from revolting again. Upon reaching the kitchen I find two of my children there chatting while one has started working on that night’s dinner and the other is mopping the floor. My daughter sent me back to bed after checking to see how I was and asking if I needed anything. I was able to meander my way back to my bed, secure in the knowledge that everything was under control and I could focus on getting better.  

How did we get to this point?

We started out allowing our children to be beside us while we worked. They “helped” wash dishes, folded washcloths, and picked up their toys when they were big enough to walk. Back when they thought sweeping, dusting, doing laundry and all those other mundane tasks were fun, we had them beside us doing as much of the job as they could. Whenever they wanted to do more we let them try it, with us standing right there making sure they were safe and offering advice and encouragement.

Gradually, over many years, they learned to do everything we could do, plus a few things they learned on their own. Now I have a daughter who has been in charge of cooking dinner, cleaning the kitchen, taking care of chickens and goats, cleaning the barn, helping with house cleaning, and doing her own laundry for several years. Our son takes care of the dogs and cats, does his laundry, helps with cleaning when asked, can make dinner, keeps his bedroom immaculate, takes care of the rabbits, and mows the 2 ½ acres we own every week.

Is it too late to start?

We adopted a son when he was 18 years old. He had never had a chore or been expected to do anything, even his schoolwork, in his entire life. While he still has a very long way to go in learning to be responsible he does empty the kitchen trash every day and take the trash can to the curb every week without being reminded to do so. He also, usually, remembers to do his own laundry on his assigned day each week. He also helps (for a short period of time) with push mowing if you catch him in the right mood. While the process is taking longer and is a lot more work and a lot more stressful for everyone, he is learning!

While not one of our children, or their parents, is perfect, our two birth children are very reliable, hard-working and responsible adults. Our third child is getting there, with a lot of patience and reminders. It has taken years and a lot of time, effort, patience, and starting over to get where we are but it has been so worth it!